I am back from my days of being a snowbird and thought I should start perusing the dating websites to check out the talent again. Alot could change in 4 months says the eternal optimist (me)!
I match with this guy on Facebook dating and we have one friend in common. We start exchanging messages and although I was a bit suspect of his profile, I gave him a chance because of our mutual friend (whom I adore).
The reason I wasn't sure of his profile is because it didn't have much information in it. He only had one picture, was cagey about what he does for a living and I couldn't even tell exactly where he lived.
He starts blowing up my phone with messages. I asked him how he knows our mutual friend and he said they worked together years ago. He then went on to say he should ask our mutual friend about me to see if I am a quality person.
Pahlease, that doesn't even almost scare me. I said, ask away.
The majority of his messages have zero substance. Alot of "Have a wonderful day" and/or "Have a wonderful weekend" messages sprinkled with lots of rose emoji's. I guess I should be grateful they weren't other emoji's, but still.
Now, he would send me about 5 messages in a row (usually one or two a day) before I would even return one. I found it a bit obnoxious but mostly overwhelming.
I sent him a message back and said, I probably jumped on this dating website too soon. I have been away for 4 months and need to do so much to get re-integreated with life, I don't have time to meet someone right now. So sorry, I will be back in touch when things slow down.
He said, I totally understand and will leave you be. Perfect.
Well, I don't know what leave you be means in his book but in mine, it meant I will touch base in a week or two. He continues with the constant mundane messages.
I then receive a Facebook friend request from him. I normally don't accept this without knowing someone but the curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to eliminate some of the mystery about him and mostly confirm my intuition (I didn't have a good feeling). In the meantime, he kept reaching out even after he said he would wait until things slowed down. He said he didn't want me to forget him.
He sent me a message at 6am on a Saturday. It woke me up. I could silence my phone at night but I forgot. I told him it woke me up. He said sorry, I was thinking about you and wanted to wish you a wonderful day. I asked him to please not send a message so early.
One week later, he dials it up a notch and sends me a note at 5:40am on a Saturday. He wanted to be sure I had another wonderful day. So, he is either not listening or choosing to ignore my request. Interesting.
So now, I check out his page on Facebook. He didn't have many posts at all (which many people don't, I understand). But, I quickly discover the one picture he used on the dating site is from 2015. 2015!!!! That is unacceptable for a dating site. They should be pictures from within the past year.
The next thing I discover is a post from his sister from last November saying her brother (the guy I am talking to) was diagnosed with cancer. He would have to have some pretty serious treatment for at least 6 months. I feel terrible that he is going through all of that and hoping he is on the road to recovery. Truly, what a tough time.
It brings up an interesting question. Do you disclose that in the dating world? Keep it to yourself? Do it in person? Not sure what the correct answer is on that. I am sure brutal to even process on his end. Although, I would imagine he would think I would do a deep dive on his profile and see that post? It was only the third post down. Maybe that is how he wanted me to see it? Or, perhaps he is better now?
I know he was thorougly checking out my profile as well as he was liking pictures from last year. You can stalk, just don't like.
So, I ended up telling him I didn't think we were a match. He said he was speechless and thought we had a good connection.
I just didn't think we had productive communication which if you don't have that, you don't have much.
Well as luck would have it, I was with our mutual friend on Facebook last week. I said OMG, I can't believe I haven't asked you this question yet but I was messaging with Scott (fake name) on this FB dating page as we have you as a mutual friend.
His reply? Stay far away from that guy. He has the worst temper. When we worked together, he would throw benches when things didn't go his way. He said no way could I picture you two as a match. And, he doesn't even have a steady job, never has. Doesn't have a home either, he lives where he works.
I said, I couldn't even really tell what he looked like because his picture was so old. My friend's reply? Picture a white Shrek with not as big of a belly. But, like an Ogre.
Got it.
Lesson Learned? 1.) Always ask the mutual friend BEFORE you bark up that tree. 2.) Thank goodness for the blocking feature on Facebook. 3.) Always trust your intuition. Always.
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