I had a realization recently that should have occurred to me long ago. You get what you pay for with online dating. I have mostly focused on free apps because pre-Covid, I was too busy to really put the time and energy into them and during Covid well, I wasn’t that interested in meeting new people (for obvious reasons).
So, for 2022, I am mixing things up. I actually tested some new strategies recently to see how they will work. One is to do more things by myself. I was just on vacation and decided to go to a Ritz Carlton bar, by myself, to have dinner. I always feel like the bartender will be great company if nothing else. It is time to meet new people which I find rarely happens in a group.
I am at the Pool bar and order an amazing dinner. This guy sits down next to me and has a drink. I start telling the bartender how good the French fries are, as they were extra good. The guy next to me says, what is so special about them? I said, I don’t know. They are so good though. And, I say, you can have some if you like? Well, during all of this, the bartender hears the guy asking about the fries and gets him a plate of his own. Ritz Carlton service at its finest!
Anyway, the guy says, you are right! These fries are delicious. And herein lies the opener for us to start talking. This writes itself.
I asked him what brought him to the hotel, and he said he is attending a meeting. I said that is great (meetings aren’t happening that often these days). He tells me what company he works for and we start talking travel.
He said he stays at Ritz Carlton(s) whenever possible, and we commiserate about life on the road. Naturally, flying comes up and he said one of his frustrations is that he isn’t guaranteed his meal choice even though he has earned the highest membership level at the airline. (First world problems, I know). I said you are eating on a plane? Look at you being upgraded. He said, no, I am able to buy first class seats for work and I think those who pay for the seats should get first choice.
For the record, as someone who never buys first class but gets upgraded quite a bit, I 100% agree with him. Those who pay should get first choice.
My mind is racing, this brings up so many questions.
I said, what is your position with your company where you can fly first class and stay at Ritz Carlton(s)? He said he is in mergers and acquisitions and can do whatever he wants because he brings in so much money to the company.
I don’t see a ring on his finger. JACKPOT! (LOL)
Best I can tell he is about my age and is super cute. He then says he is divorced with 3 kids and lives in Southern California. This experiment just got interesting.
He said one of his kids got married recently and he wanted to show me pictures of the wedding. His kids are gorgeous, one is actually a model and he also shows me a picture of his ex-wife. She had a Kardashian feel to her, so she was also very pretty. He then shows me his current girlfriend (easy come, easy go) who looks identical to his ex-wife. I laughed and said, you sure do have a type! He said they have been dating for 2 years.
He went on to say, you know, getting divorced is the biggest regret of my life. I said, what happened? He said, I was arrogant and thought I should be getting way more accolades from my wife than what I was getting. Bottom line, I didn't feel she stroked my ego enough for being a provider, I was an idiot. He said because of my arrogance, I really harmed my kids as they struggled with having divorced parents. He said, if I could do it all over again, I would do things differently. We had a nice marriage, and it was my fault.
Wait a minute, someone taking ownership of their actions? How refreshing when describing a break-up!
I said to him, I date a lot of divorced guys. Most of them really bash their ex-wife. They say she is crazy, she changed, etc. etc. I find it so darn refreshing that you owned your contributions to the challenges you two had. Most men are not as evolved as you.
He was shocked and said, really? I said yes, you are very unusual. He said he appreciated hearing that as he has done a lot of work on himself.
We then continued our lovely conversation until all of his work buddies came to chat with him. He introduced me to them, but then they all had to go to a reception.
He said he hoped he would see me back at the bar for more fries tomorrow but, it was my last day. All in all, a great night meeting new people.
Lesson Learned? I was reminded that it is so fun to go to dinner alone because you are typically never alone for long. And a high-end hotel bar is a target rich environment. Finally, listen to how someone describes the break-up, it will tell you a lot about where they are in the healing process. If someone isn’t healed, they will bring that unsettled business into the next relationship.
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