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Writer's pictureThe Sue in the City

Ghosting



There are many of my friends who tell me they could never date online because they couldn’t handle the rejection. Maybe it is because I am in sales, but I am here to tell you, it is survivable. I tell these stories because you just can’t take it personally with some of these clowns. And, this is a small sample of the nonsense. A very small sample.

Over New Years Eve, I go to one of my favorite hotels in Scottsdale every year. It is so relaxing where we hike, go to the spa and have fruity drinks. Just perfection.


While at the hotel I always like to get a challenging hike in. I usually try to do Camelback Mountain but this year we had to call an audible.


We get up early and go straight to the mountain. As I have done this numerous times before, I know you have to get there right when the sun comes up or you can't find parking. Plus, it gets too hot later on.


So, I get to the mountain and drat, no parking. I asked the park ranger for options and he said to go to Squaw Peak as it is a great climb and 3 miles away. I have never been before but he told me there is plenty of parking. We really want to hike so we head on our way.


We get to the mountain and it is awesome. A great challenging hike. When we get to the top, it is very picturesque so we decide to take lots of photos. In the back of my mind I thought these would be great pictures to put on my dating websites. Kind of a fresh new year start as many people make resolutions to do on line dating so I was sure there would be a whole new crop.


I post one picture where I am nestled in the side of the mountain. It is very fun and almost looks like I am dangling. I thought it was a perfect picture to put on line.


Low and behold, this guy sends me an email and he has the same picture posted! From the same mountain, I couldn't believe it. He asked me if I was on Sqauw Peak as that is where he was. Small world.


Now, again, I thought this was a great sign. I mean, the universe sent me on a different mountain so I could meet this man! For sure!


We start texting and he seems like a great guy. We do have quite a bit in common but he is not pulling the trigger to ask me out. I found this very perplexing because he was saying the nicest things to me but wouldn't take the time to meet. Ugh.


Finally, he says he will be in the city on a Tuesday night, would I like to meet? Sure, I am ready. He told me he would call me with details. Guess what? I never heard from him. Nothing, not a peep. I mean, we had tentative plans and it was a total blow off. After weeks of texting. Ridiculous. Strike 1.


Then, I had this other guy contact me on line. He looked kind of like a jerk but I thought I would give it a shot. He wants to meet at a Starbucks which I loathe but thought I would just agree to it. Generally speaking, I don't like coffee houses because they can be too quiet and you feel like you are on stage. For sure don't need an audience on a first date.


Anyway, we are supposed to meet at 6:30pm. I am running a few minutes late so I text him and he said no problem, take your time. I get to the Starbucks and walk in looking for someone to take their head out of their computers. Nothing. Then, I send him a text saying I am here looking for someone to grab their phone. Nothing.


I am anxiously scanning the room trying to find a guy from a one inch picture on line. Nothing. Finally, I get a text from him saying he was sorry but he had to take a call and would I grab a coffee and wait for him? I said sure no problem.


So, I fire up my computer and just start working. I don't even realize it and 45 minutes have gone by. Rude. So, I send him a note and say I am leaving. Guess what? I never hear back. Nothing. Another complete blow off. Unreal. Strike 2.


Finally, I hear from a guy who I would hear from all the time on line. He didn't have a photo up so I would tell him I couldn't speak with him because of that and he sent me a picture. I remember him not being my type so I never followed up. However, he would check in every couple of months.


One day he sends me an email asking me to go to the final four game with him. Now, being a big sports fan, I could not resist.

Since the game was in Indy, I told him I would have to meet him before we go that far. Plus, I would drive myself and we get two rooms. He said no problem.


He asked me what I was doing over the weekend (the game was two weeks away) and I told him I was going to this Italian restaurant with friends. Ironically, he said he would be with his buddies next door to that restaurant. He said why don't we have a beer when you are done with dinner. Perfect.


He texted me he couldn't wait to meet and couldn't believe we were actually doing it. He seriously had been trying to go out with me on a date for over 5 years. He said he had a feeling we would be a great match.


I tell him to text me when he gets downtown. Now, I didn't have his number, he just had mine. Guess what? I never heard from him. Can you believe it? Just insane. Three blow offs in a row. Time to get off line. That crazy train can continue without me because I need a break!


Lesson learned? Although online dating works for many people, when you have a string of people pulling nonsense, just take a break. These guys could be online just seeing what is out there, but not ready to meet up. It's not you, it's them.


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