One Saturday night I head to Ditka’s Restaurant for some fun. I post up at the bar with my friend and this guy starts talking to us. He was there by himself as he had a first date scheduled that night but she turned him down at the last minute because she felt he wasn't rich enough for her. Ouch.
You would think that would slow his roll a bit, but it didn't phase him at all. He brushed it off and was ready to mingle. That was impressive.
I learned that he was a 64 year-old divorced man who was a used car salesman. Now, I thought he was funny but was not really interested due to the age gap. He said he wanted to go out with me some time but I said he wasn't in my wheelhouse. He said you are in mine though? I laughed and said we need to be in each other's wheelhouses!
He then asks me to dance. He said he hasn't really danced with a girl since his Bar Mitzvah. I said, I am not interested but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He said he recently took some dance lessons and wanted to try them out.
We start dancing and he isn't great. I told him he should get his money back for the lessons (with a smile of course) and he said you know, you are funny. He went on to say, I also do stand-up comedy during open mic nights.
I said I have been waiting to meet a comic because I have a joke I would like someone to incorporate into their set. He said bring it on.
I thought about it and said it might not translate as it may be better coming from a female since it has to do with baby showers, but, he was still interested in hearing it.
A little bit of background regarding this joke. Now, I am one of those girls no one wants to sit next to at either baby showers or wedding showers. I always find it so amusing that we sit there and watch them act surprised by all of the gifts they opened that they, wait for it, registered for! And, there are always duplicates. So, the gift that is opened first seems to be the hero and the duplicate gift opened second is always the zero.
Perhaps I am also a bit salty because I have attended so many and haven’t had one myself, so, a combination of all of that makes me always find them oh so amusing.
Anyway, when you attend a baby shower, there is such hope and promise in the air. Everyone is so excited for this miracle that is about to happen. However, when you think about it, not all kids grow up to be great. Can you imagine that someone had a baby shower for Jeffrey Dahmer (or, insert any mass murderer)? It’s like, oh baby Jeffrey, you will grow up to change so many lives! (insert rim shot)
So, that is the joke. I told him that it needs to be “whiteboarded" a bit as it has to be punched up. He laughed and said he can’t wait to deliver it to the guys at the used car sales lot and will work on it some more.
He then went on to say he was doing an open mic night on Thursday at a Comedy Club and would I come if he delivered that joke? I said, absolutely! He asked my friend to join too because he had a guy he wanted to set her up with. We both agreed.
Now, my friend ends up bailing. I can’t say that I blame her so I found a different friend to join. We go to the Comedy Club on a Thursday night and anxiously await his performance.
If you have never been to an open mic night, they typically happen after the regulars perform. So, I am scanning the Club looking for him and spot him with his buddy. They then join our table.
The friend he brought was probably in his 70’s. He wasn’t a spry 70+ year old either. We were in our 40’s at the time. We made small talk but it was definitely awkward and I did feel bad that there wasn't going to be a love connection because they were both so excited.
Now, my guy leans over and says, I am so nervous, this is only the 2nd time I have done this in my life. I said, what? I thought you do stand up all the time? He said no, this is a new hobby and he said he feels like he could throw up. Oh boy.
He goes up on stage and the first thing he does is make it rain with his business cards. Then he tells everyone he is a sex addict. Followed by, do you believe someone had a baby shower for Jeffrey Dahmer?
Crickets, all you heard was crickets.
He was so nervous, he didn’t set any joke up, he just rambled them all off in succession because he only had 3 minutes. He came back to our table and asked us how he did.
I said, you already won because it takes guts to get up on stage. So, that is great in and of itself. He then wanted more feedback. I said things seemed a bit rushed and asked what he meant about being a sex addict? He said the joke was, what was worse, a sex addict or used car sales man? I said he needed to tie that together a bit more but that will come with practice.
He wanted to go out after the show but I told him I had to get home. I haven't heard from him since and often wonder if he is still getting up on stage? That shall remain a mystery.
Lesson learned? Always deliver your own jokes and be sure to set them up properly. And, know your audience! The crowd didn't know who Jeffrey Dahmer was as they were too young!
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