I met a really cute guy on-line and was excited to go out with him. He posted great pictures and was very normal in our initial communication. He suggested we should meet for a drink and I was looking forward to it.
I walk into the bar, and I was so pleasantly surprised as to how cute and charming he is. I learn he is a lawyer and CPA and had a summer house on a lake. He grew up in Pittsburgh, came to Chicago after college and it seemed we were raised very similarly.
I did know he was divorced but didn’t know much more than that. We started talking about it and wasn’t prepared for what I was about to hear. For the record, this was many, many years before 90-Day Fiance.
He was doing on-line dating back in the day. Actually, before it was mainstream. So, as he was looking on-line, it said click here for International women. Who would click on that? Well, this guy did.
He ends up talking to a girl from Russia. They meet half-way between Chicago and Russia for their initial introduction, and he eventually moves her to Chicago and they got married. Tbey were married for 10 years and broke up a year ago. He said he couldn’t help but marry her because she was (are you ready for this?) SOOOO HOT. He just couldn’t help himself (for those keeping score, the second time I heard this reasoning on a date). But then, he decided his marriage wasn’t working so he had to get out. Once again I say to him, don’t you wish that is all it took for a successful marriage? For people to be hot?
The conversation then took a turn. Generally speaking, I don’t have a good poker face and when he discloses the crazy so early on, it is hard for me to just continue and be reasonable.
It ended up rolling into a one upmanship conversation with him. Not my finest hour.
Then, he went on to say how difficult he is to live with, how he doesn’t blame his ex for wanting a divorce, etc. He said the worst thing you could do is be in the car with him for 4 hours. He said he was miserable to talk to, but he was working on it.
I guess the first step is to acknowledge your faults? However, he seemed so broken, not for me.
Lesson learned? Things aren’t always as they appear. I know people can change but I need some green flags to outweigh the red.
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